The fact that he is open to sharing his interests with her is key thats going to be where the relationship develops. You can see it in the fighting. Or else hes doing a disservice to her. Just. Is there crap out there? He played the songs over and over and he had albums (and still does) and he would play them and copy them to the cassette so we could listen to them in the car together (pre CD times). Dont talk negatively about her father. Ross says it definitely would have beenif not for his tendency towards horrific sea-sickness. So, encourage her to spend time with him. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. WWS. I honestly think both parents are at fault. You may need to have a conversation with your husband and daughter separately to get to the bottom of whats going on. I hated, and still do, all of those things. In all honestly though, I call up my dad now to hear about all of the new great bands out there! I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. My parents listened to Oldies. Thats unfortunate (to say the least! Thats still not OK. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. Where is the suggestion to ask the daughter what she may want to do? He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. But since I knew his motivation for liking things was less about me than it was about his own inadequacy, and I didnt actually like him as a person. If she likes Star Trek and Firefly and he likes science they might both like going to a science museum. Mother of a Fangirl. Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. 1. No we're not on speaking terms after he decided to sell his grandmother's home (my wife's mother) instead of keeping it. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . The father is totally out of line with his dismissive and unloving ways, but so is the mother, big time. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4','ezslot_15',127,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-4-0');And since she loves you both, it can be tough for her to see you stay in a situation that makes you both so miserable. Such is not the case if youre on the end of a crazy-making partner. My father did not appreciate the pop culture stuff and always reminded me that I was smarter than this. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. I went through an accapella phase and a disney phase and a pop punk phase, a Growing pains phase, and on and on, and he rolled his eyes and helped me set the VCR, but wasnt willing to watch it. I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. My stepfather and my mother told me I was weird and that Id regret it because Id never be popular or normal, or get boys to like me. A perfect starting point would be just a general interest activity, like board games or going to get ice cream. Heck, I even had a stringer attached to my waders. lets_be_honest Courts take action when substance use, in the form of alcohol and illicit drugs, and/or misuse of prescription drugs actually hinders a parent's ability to care for their children or when the parent poses a danger to the children's well-being. I strongly agree with this. Now a couple of days ago I made a mistake and got behind the wheel of a car after having a few drinks and got a DUI. Plus he writes strong female characters, which is good for any girl growing up to identify with. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! But am I mad at her now? I dont think that as a parent, you are required to indulge in things you dont approve of. Encouraging both of them to try more and be respectful would be a good start. It could be something as silly as him walking into the kitchen when theyre talking and him jokingly saying something like Theres my two girls talking about Buffy again! and rolling his eyes. Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. Her free spirit and spontaneity. By virtue of him going about his business, I was interested and wanted to participate. Learning about give and take in a relationship is very important for a 12 year old (who can often be very self-centered at that age) to know. If everybody liked the same things, the world would be rather boring. July 2, 2013, 12:07 pm. He may feel like he's being left out or that he isn't good enough for his daughter. My dad patiently put up with and even encouraged me in my obsessions. I would suggest planning outings for just your husband and your daughter maybe to an arcade, out to a movie, mini golf,etc so that they can spend time together by themselves. Unfortunately for your husband, its not as easy for him to nurture his relationship with his adolescent daughter and rather than helping him and by extension, your daughter create a closer parent-child bond, you seem to be almost delighting in the Us Against Him mentality you share with your daughter (we look forward to him traveling so we wont have to tiptoe around him, etc.). Guy asked me out and now makes me feel bad for saying no. We are extremely close and love doing the same things. About Us . Then wed throw it back and go back to just hanging out. I intervene and quieten things down when I can, but it's not easy and I am at the point of wondering whether it's all worth the effort. The point here is that Mom seems to allow her to only have interest in those things, which is bad. (Its not in the joking way, either, but in the Temperance never gets to choose another movie again way.). The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). Really truly. July 2, 2013, 12:17 pm. Isolation One of the most common tricks of a mentally abusive partner is to isolate their victims from the rest of the world. They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. FUCK BOARD GAMES. Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? Exactly! How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. Blow out the torches! 1. If he didnt care, then that would be more worrisome. Did nobody notice this in the OPs letter? If anything, his dislike for it will help it belong to her more fully as she learns to separate herself from her parents. If youre struggling to get along with your teen or adult daughter, dont hesitate to seek professional help. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. Can I get a 'corona divorce' from my quarantined family? The dad cant have it both ways being rude while demanding respect and attention. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Lastly, the article idea isnt a bad one, but hes going about it all wrong. lets_be_honest I would just like to briefly brag about my dad and how were going to this awesome music festival together this summer!!! Also, by disparaging the hobbies of the daughter, he is also disparaging his wifes interests. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. My mom put me in ballet because she thought it would be cute, which was fine, but I wish theyd made me do a sport for a while or a musical instrument. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. :: If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice. I had and to some extent probably still have some self-esteem issues that stemmed from my dads iffy parenting. Help her get excited about the real science and history behind the fiction she enjoys. All of these are better that watching the Kardashians find new ways to make money or reading magazines that criticize stars beach bodies. 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But nurturing these relationships between your daughter and both you and your husband while exposing her to things that may or may not be of immediate interest to her WILL help her be a more well-rounded, confident young woman secure in the knowledge that both her parents love her. So I was just assuming it happened similarly for LW and her daughter. Look, Im sorry, but your hand here is rather plainly seen. It will also provide a model for her of living a rich adulthood, embracing passions and sharing passions them with the people you love (and showing interest in their passions!). LW, would your husband be up for a night of board games with you and your daughter? I have vivid memories of being forced to attend Cardinals games with my dad because my mom said it was important. Exactly Lily! I actually had the opposite relationship growing up. I mean when she was a toddler did he demand that the Disney tunes never be played in favor of classical!?! Engage in any behavior that gaslights my daughter in law. It took me a long time to get into a relationship; I wanted to find someone. July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. He had an inflated sense of self-importance that led him to believe he was superior and entitled to only the best. And, as I am sure you know from previous experience, exploding doesn't make anything better. I think the disparaging, if nothing else, has got to stop. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! She can only control her own behaviour, which is why Wendy is addressing hers and not his. I was trying to figure out how to phrase it. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. During the summer especially, our kids both have homework that may include working on actual homework-like assignments or getting a privilege after answering X number of questions correctly on our American Trivia game (history, pop culture, geography, etc).