Women don't always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do. I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. she and I cannot even sit on the couch and watch TV as she scoots away from me. Now married to number 3. Research published by the National Marriage Project found that couples who make time for date night experience benefits, such as increased sexual satisfaction, improved communication skills, and injecting excitement and passion back into their relationship. For the past eight years it has been like I am married to my sister. Shame on all you women who have men that are committed and loving to you!! I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Just get out Stan. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable There is just so much fantasizing, flirting and masturbating that I can do. 1. !, so we better act tough, ya know! you get it. Believe me when I say that she has really tried and every time it has turned out badly, I really feel like an ass for going along with the effort the she was making. If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. Many health issues can affect a woman's sexual desire, from diabetes to chronic pain conditions to cancer. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. I fear I will never know physically intimacy again in this marriage, I keep holding out hope, which is why I stay. , checking in with yourself is also good. Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. ( Keep cardio to a minimum and stay away from the weight machines) I kid you not. Plus why would you want to have sex with someone who isnt interested? He doesbt accept the limitations of my back injury. Dont men throb? The situations here are not just issues for straight couples. My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. If your wife is struggling with any mental health issues, she may be less interested in sex at the moment. 5 Things to Do if Your Wife Never Initiates Intimacy Drying up was a major problem. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. You need to leave her. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. It's a horrible feeling to want sex, but not want it with your partner. But it nearly tore us apart. This is hard, because of my upbringing and the fact she is a wonderful person in every other way. There are many reasons for vaginal pain, if indeed thats what shes experiencing, and getting the right medical help is essential. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. Harley, I am doing none of those things. Wish I could off you more of a solution but I think things either go on the way they are or there has to be come conclusion. I have the same problem and there isnt a answer. Ive communicated my feelings to him many times. Mates but l want to .feel loved , should l hang lt up and move on ty. A free doctor approved gut health guide featuring shopping lists, recipes, and tips. I need to feel cherished, looked at and touched in a non-sexual way THEN when I feel loved and safe, I want to please my man. You can find a sitter and really focus on each other. Senior Planets comments are open for all readers/subscribers; we love hearing from you! I just had to click on this to see how times have changed. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. Sorry Mate. I agree 100%. Outwardly to friends he seems a good husband, and he is BUT he will not have sex as he dies not fancy me anymore! I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). Of course, all this pressure makes it harder for sex to seem to go well.". But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. Best to all. That is love. No intimacy!!! That last sentence got my attention. At least you go that far to keep your marriage happy, intake, blessed. Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit. I just dont understand. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. I have given up trying since the rejections and sometimes total indifference is devastating. I love my wife even if we have not had sex for close to 6 years. That was 20 years ago. The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex. After having our first child, my wife wasnt thinking about sex at all. Yes, he may have more energy then she does because he did nothing all day but insulted her and her lack of sex. Marriage vows are till death do you part. If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. They complain that the wife was open to sex anytime anywhere when they were dating but it all changed after kids were born. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. This is really excellent advice. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Ive tried all the normal things too. This kind of if the man would only be more __ advice saturates the internet and its usually written by people with degrees instead of wisdom. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Good luck. . Feel like I wasted my life!!! Lately it seems that after giving her oral sex my wife just wants me to hurry up and orgasm with intercourse. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. She even said to me that I should leave if I am not happy, she prefers that I do not, but basically what she is saying is that if I want to stay, this is the way its going to be. Im too tired. So Mike, I dont know what to say. . You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Empathy builds into emotional intimacy, and often this is what she needs first before opening up to something physical. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. You cant really blame her, can you? I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. It will only create more distance between you. Im in ok shape, not overweight . For everything there is a season. Try to keep things fun and adventurous between the sheets so that your wife is unable to resist you. Are you in a similar place in your relationship? Its such an insult to your wife when you guys do that and .makes us ashamed of our bodies especially after having your baby we will never get our bodies back the same way it was before we got pregnant and you watching porn with photoshops were women to look at if they really look like that makes us feel you are body shaming us. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. Many seniors are in the same situation and we feel your pain. etc. However, whenever a relationship began getting serious my body would suddenly shut down- no erection, no ejaculation, no desire. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. 80s, are victims of the same injustice and gender paradigms you are experiencing. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. Thomas, I agree! If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. why is he grumpy? Too much trouble. My wife and I have been a couple for 51 years (since 1971). Thank God I love to ski. If men want more sex the this is what you should do. You should be glad that your wife is still with you your ass would have been out the door the first time you ever tried to tell me what to do oh and by the way Ive been married 20 years and my husband has NEVER told me what to do we both have great paying jobs and are very independent I have a Daddy and he stopped telling me what to do when I was 17. I did some self searching and recognized that the marriage had been one of convenience and the love wasnt there for me. Be caring. Sex ended, period. That old saying use or loose it.. We do love each other though. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. Holding on and hoping we can work it out, for now Im giving him space. Signs My Husband Isn't Attracted To Me: 24 Warnings & Ways To Win Love You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. Reading some of the commentary I can identify with the concerns.I fantasize frequently about past relationships and what might have been but I only become sadder. 7. I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? 5. Im 65, shes 70. Husband even can not touch her, let alone touch to arouse her. My husband has no sex drive at all. Shes taking care of the house and shes working as well. When we were young, we had sex every single day. Its just not worth my time to talk to her, all I get is whining, complaining and thats exhausting. Really its happening with many couples as the year goes and children born the interest goes down. Females are elevated to the superior status of the male they pair with the reverse is not true receive the protection and provisioning of that male, and enjoy the primary bond with the children. When a wife who has to cook, clean, take care of the kids, do the laundry, pick the kids up from school and take a couple of classes she is too tired to perform another task after all that she has done in one day. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. So, Im on my own unless I decide to cheat. And Marley, I deeply sorry for your situation. 20 Reasons Why a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex - Jolene Engle Shes happen because we dont have sex or have any form of intimacy. . Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. * THE SECTION BELOW TO INSERT DYNAMIC VALUES FROM YOUR In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. The only difference is that if we separate I will not have the van!! stop insultiing cats. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. I hear you bro. Start by losing the weight, shaving the body, washing daily, put some effort into youre own self and for Christs sake, clean up after yourself. I have been married for 40 years this coming July. This whole situation sucks for all of us. Its strictly psychological as I have no problems when alone or watching porn, which she is totally against. But now living with you is not what she thought it would be and she closes shop on you. . I said well, (while pointing to my head) by the time you heal I will have checked out up here, I will be looking at women and wondering if they would be fun to be with. My wife stop having sex with me its been 8 months. contrasts what my Wife and her 7 siblings and and an unstable Mother made her as the oldest have us take in 2 of her brothers early in our marriage. Hasnt been for 15 years. I dont know what to do! All rights reserved. Why would he ever have too? If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. For me my wife has me feeling guilty and hesitant and re framing from touching her in any way. 13 Subtle Signs Your Wife Is Not Attracted To You Anymore - And 5 Havent had regular sex in years, just a HJ or BJ on 8 or 9 month intervals typically. I get angry, then sad and depressed. You are so right. This ad is displayed using third party content and we do not control its accessibility features. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. There's nothing wrong with the lower-libido partnerthey simply just don't want sex as often as the other person. I am now trying to get into health club manament and the barriers for that seem less difficult. And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. Best of luck to you! I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. Hasnt been for decades. Right. Avoiding divorce, men have two choices, acceptance/celibacy or cheating. We are still asexually active and every time we see couples enjoying sex, it puts extreme sadness in our souls because we are faithful to our partner. She knows this is a psychological problem and doesnt reflect how I feel about her. Your stereotypes are both incorrect AND insulting. She would still complain of pain. I only basically feel good enough to have pretty good days. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. Not so in an egalitarian or woman-dominated marriage where she gets what she wants that always ends in dysfunction & misery. As for porn, I dont mind it at all when he watches it (though he thinks I never see him), after all, we are all human and have drives and needs. Women love that. Well, its clearly only getting worse. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. if you want to get married for children just understand that your wife will stop wanting to have sex with you after she gets her babies. Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. During the first twenty- five years of our marriage we were both church goers and sent our son to Catholic schools, but we both now feel that religion doeset always have all the answers. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. . She is 33. This really sucks. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it!